Infamous

So yesterday, I saw Notorious. This morning, I read Sylvia’s post on Notorious. Five minutes ago, I decided I’m gonna make a movie. Called Infamous.

Infamous will tell the tale of Large1, a rapper on the rise from Never Ran, Never Will Brownsville. It will give a glimpse into the life of Large1, and how, after getting out of prison and meeting his daughter for the first time, Large1 signs a deal with a producer named Swollen (had he been a West Coast producer, his name would have been Swolly-E, an abbreviation of his full name, Swollen Ego). Then he starts dating Small K, a maybe sixteen year old girl who is also from Brooklyn. She raps too.

Large1 starts to blow up, and brings his friends along – among those who gain fame with Large1 is notably his friend, Tiny Teez, who will never appear to be older than twelve, though he is often responsible for driving everyone around.

Along his path to stardom, Large1 marries a woman named Hope and becomes close friends with a West Coast star named 4can, who is produced by Cup (short for “Cupcake,” ’cause he’s real sweet). Small K gets upset ’cause he screwed her over big time. She lashes out at him. She is now, about eighteen.

Tension builds as Swollen tries to kill 4can, but fails, and Cup puts ole Swolly on blast at an awards show. 4can releases a record that includes tale of him, er, canoodling with Hope. Large1 gets mad at Hope. Hope leaves Large1, and so on and so forth until…

Large1 is shocked to find out the 4can has been shot and killed in Reno. Instead of staying put in Brownsville, Large1 flies out to San Francisco, where he too dies. Everyone is heartbroken and “surprised,” excepted for Misters Swollen and Cup, who orchestrated both murders with the San Francisco PD and the cast of Reno 911. Turns out 4can was trying to finish up his contract with Row Boat Records AND start a branch of Row Boat East, and Large1 was trying to make changes and get out too. But both Cup and Swollen know that dead rappers sell more albums.

Flash forward to the recent past: Large1’s mother is considering filing for bankruptcy as she struggles to support herself and her grandchildren. She turns on the television to see that Swollen has been named to another list of richest people ever, and she remembers him coming up to her at Large1’s funeral and saying “If you ever need anything, I’m here for you.” The phone rings. It’s Swolly himself, asking her to sign off on the rights to a movie about Large1, with the contractual stipulation that Swollen gets final say on all dialogue and is allowed to inject his own uber-deep motivational messages and thoughts into the movie wherever he chooses.

Mother Large1 hangs up the phone and on Saturday, February 14, 2009, I don’t end up spending $12.50 at the AMC on 34th Street.

Roll the credits.